“Another unpleasant side effect of trying to help was the pushback I received,” she said. “The level of questioning I got in response to my advice was almost insulting at times. In my head, I told these callers, ‘If you trusted me enough to call me with your ailment, why aren’t you trusting my opinion?’ ‘If Dr. Google says otherwise and you already researched this, don’t ask me.’ ‘If you generally want my opinion, I am happy to give it, but please, I can’t stress it enough, do not rebut me with the latest entry on Wikipedia.’ Of course, I never I actually said any of this.”
In the end, Moore sought professional help.
“Things came to a head when I was surrounded by a lot of severe illness in my family,” she said. “Naturally one to externalize my stress, I began to notice various physical symptoms and poor sleep setting in. I knew I didn’t need to see my primary care provider, but I wanted to address my stress level. So, taking advantage of my employer benefits, I consulted with a naturopath, who recognized my infirmities as anxiety over giving my family and friends the wrong medical advice. I love my family, and I certainly love helping. However, the thought of providing misleading advice was almost crippling. I found myself thinking and rethinking the most simple of complaints.”
What to do when family and friends ask for medical advice
Whether it’s the fear of legal whiplash or the stress of feeling responsible for your friends and family, offering medical advice while off the clock can cause a whirlwind of emotions and anxieties. To grapple with the ethical, legal and practical considerations of giving medical advice, University Professor of the State University of New York and Professor of Bioethics and Humanities and Professor of Medicine at Upstate Medical University Gregory Eastwood, MD, shared a number of recommendations in a paper published by the Society of General Internal Medicine.
- Be clear about your own expectations and the expectations of the requester, Eastwood said. “If for some reason you cannot respond to the request or have concerns, make that clear,” he wrote. “In close relationships, such as with a spouse, a parent, a child, or sibling, it is a matter of judgment whether you explicitly express the extent of your initial and ongoing involvement and commitment.”
- Treat your informal interactions with friends and family with professional expertise. When offering medical advice or treatment while off the clock, document each encounter with a brief note for your personal files.
- Always be aware of how your personal relationships may conflict with your duties as a professional. “Your professional judgment may be in conflict with your emotional judgment,” he wrote. “Further, all physicians play a number of different roles (e.g., doctor, spouse, parent, friend, community leader) which can reinforce or conflict with one another, and we all may benefit by reflecting on this and discussing such matters with colleagues to try to understand better how to avoid conflict and optimize synergy among our various roles.”